4 AM TWEWY Madness
by Xx.Triple A.xX
Summary: It is very early in the morning in Shibuya  or very late at night, depending on how you look at it.  Sho Minamimoto is extremely awake, and extremely hyper. What's a Game Master to do but drag Neku Sakuraba out on a shopping trip against his will?


**Opening Authoressial Note:** This is a piece of sheer crack that I've had lying around for a while. It was in fact written at 4 AM, as the energy drinks that I had consumed earlier that day kicked in. It is random, it is plotless, it is fun. Please enjoy. Oh, and - happy Pi Day!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own TWEWY. It is a sad fact indeed.

* * *

Sho was usually surprised when he looked at the clock and saw that it read 3:30 in the morning. He often got caught up in his own activities and failed to notice the passage of time.

This time, though, he wasn't surprised, chiefly because he had already looked at the clock an hour ago and been surprised by it reading 2:30. And he'd been thinking it couldn't be later than midnight.

Since he was still wide-factoring-awake and thoroughly un-tired, he thought it would be a brilliant idea to pop around to Neku Sakuraba's house and drag him out on an early-morning (or late-night, however you wanted to look at it) shopping expedition. After all, Shibuya was kind of like Las Vegas in that respect – nothing ever closed. And Sho's regulation 10 million yen wallet (because Reaper regulation-issue wallets held just that special one more yen than the one sold by the snobs at the Shibuya Shopping Center) was full of money that he was just drooling to spend.

Preferably on a new no-stick baking pan. Kariya had dropped his old one, and it now had a scratch.

He found Neku's house by sniffing him out. The proxy had an unmistakable scent of frustration, annoyance, and boiling-over energy that made him easy to track. Once located, it was an easy matter to climb up the wall of his house and kick his window in.

Of course, he could have teleported, but how boring would _that_ be.

"Hey there, hectopascal," he said wildly, pouncing on the just-awakened Neku and covering his mouth before the boy could scream. "Grab your wallet. Don't bother getting dressed." His eyes took in the orangehead's black band T-shirt and green jammie pants. "I'll buy you a new outfit. A _whole_ new one!"

Neku's eyes were wide. He made noises. They sounded disagreeable, so Sho kept his hand clamped over the proxy's mouth.

"Are you gonna come voluntarily, zero, or do I have to _carry you_ like a number in a multi-digit equation?"

Seeing the spastic look in the Game Master's glow-in-the-dark yellow eyes, Neku paused for only a moment before grumbling something that sounded like assent. So, Sho released him and jumped off his bed.

"Did you HAVE to break my window?"

"Yes. Into exactly," Sho swept a calculating glance over the shards on Neku's bedroom floor, "331.5948458 pieces. Now. COME ON!" He leapt to the window. Neku stared at him.

"I'm BAREFOOT. And you expect me to walk over _that_?" He gestured to the mess that the GM had created.

"FINE, if you must be mediocre, hectopascal, then take the door. I am outside." And indeed he was, already crouched on the roof. "I will be waiting. You have fifteen seconds. GO!"

Neku was half a second late. As punishment, he was grabbed bodily from behind by Sho before he had finished locking the door behind himself and hauled off down the street at breakneck speed, being carried like a sack of potatoes.

"Eh – wait! _Where are we going_?"

"Pssht. I don't know. Edogawa! Shopping district! SHOPPING IN GENERAL! AHAHAHAHA!"

The hyperactive edge to the usually simply demented GM's laugh gave Neku pause. "Hey Pi-Face… what did you consume this evening?"

"NOTHING!"

"What? Seriously?"

"YES! I had six of those Creature energy drinks over this morning and afternoon, though. MAN ARE THOSE THINGS GOOD. You know I haven't felt like this since, since, ah digit I can't remember when, LOOK THERE'S WILD BOAR."

"I don't want to wear Wild Boar," Neku protested weakly. Internally, he was having a panic attack.

_ Oh no. Oh No. OH NO. This is NOT happening. I was not just abducted at – at – some INHUMAN hour of the morning from my bedroom to go SHOPPING with a MORTAL ENEMY. What the heck is going on here? You'd think Joshua would have this guy under control._

"I KNOW!" Sho erupted, jumping in the air and spinning in a circle before coming back down to Earth. "Let's go to WildKat! They have coffee there, right? I like coffee. I need coffee! Listen to me when I talk about coffee, Neku. COFFEE IS AMAZING. _LET'S FLY, ZERO_!"

* * *

Mr. Hanekoma looked up, his expression more curious than anything as the infamous darkly complected mathhead burst into his café, dragging a worn-down looking Neku wearing clothes more suited for Bito Daisukenojo behind him.

"I'm pretty sure… we just breached the light speed limit…" the orangehead gasped, dropping to the floor where he stood as Sho darted up to the counter and began to spin one of the bar chairs around.

"Hey there CAT-man! Everything. I want everything. Give me one of every single item in your stock! But MOST OF ALL," and here his voice dropped and he leaned forward as if he was going to confide a huge secret, "I want _coffee_."

Mr. Hanekoma leaned forward and locked gazes with the decidedly loco Game Master. "Are you sure that's a good idea? You seem to be loaded with a good deal of caff -"

A black fist pounded his counter, leaving a dent. "GREAT GLITTERING GIGADIGITS, MAN, _I WANT COFFEE_! Three cups. No! Four. Four to start. With sugar! SUGAR! And cream. Ohmigosh." Sho spiraled off into another maniacal laugh before abruptly cutting off and spinning around to leap at Neku and drag him to his feet. "The pretty little proxy wants coffee too. DON'T YOU, PROXY."

"Uh. Water would be nice," Neku managed, feeling like he'd just run a marathon.

"WATER IS FOR HEXADECIMALS. You, my brave little toaster, want COFFEE! And waffles. Do you have waffles around here? DO YOU? You DO. I can smell them. YOU'RE HIDING THEM FROM ME AREN'T YOU_?"_ Without waiting for a response, Sho leapt onto the counter, then over it, and shot into the back room. There was the loud crash of something fragile being destroyed, followed by more maniacal laughter and a triumphant "I'VE GOT YOU NOW! PREPARE TO BE ITERATED!"

"…God." The word was a fervent prayer as Neku fell onto a bar stool and slumped forward, letting his head drop onto his arms on the counter. "God, please let this be a dream. A really bad one."

"He seems kinda hyper," Mr. Hanekoma commented, beginning to make the coffee that the GM had requested. "You okay, boss?"

Neku emitted a tortured whimper. "The guy kicked in my window like half an hour ago DEMANDING that I get up and go shopping with him. Then he bought me all these… _skater clothes_ and the next thing you know he's all 'OMG COFFEE WE SHOULD GET _COFFEE_,' and the next thing you know he's dragging me down the street going so fast I'm practically a dang _kite_. And then BAM, we end up here and… ugh." The teenager lifted his head. "Can I have a cup of that?"

"Sure." Hanekoma slid a mug across the counter. "No need to pay. It's the Heaper's cup, after all." He glanced at the counter. "And he did slap a bunch of yen pins down before beating it back there." He jerked his thumb in the direction of the back room.

Neku sipped the coffee and grimaced at the sweetness, unaccustomed to the added milk and sugar. "Are you sure this isn't a dream?"

"Yeah, pretty sure. If you still don't think so, though, ask him." Mr. Hanekoma nodded at a new arrival who had just walked through the door.

"NO." Neku didn't even need to turn around to know who had just entered.

"Well, hello, proxy-ducky." Joshua giggled. "You're up early."

"NOT," Neku snapped, "of my own free will."

"What? You mean you didn't come all this way just to see me?" Joshua simpered as he pulled himself onto the stool beside Neku.

Mr. Hanekoma placed the second of Sho's ordered four cups of coffee on the counter. Feeling vindictive and put-upon, Neku smacked the cup and its contents into Joshua's lap. The platinum-haired boy shrieked and fell to the floor, writhing.

"I'M MELTING! _IIIIIIII'MMMMMMMMM MMEEELLLTTIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!_"

Sho shot out of the back room like a bullet, vaulted over the counter almost without touching it, and executed a spectacular 5-star landing directly on top of Joshua. Regaining his composure and balance almost instantly, Sho was off the Composer in a flash only to grab him by the front of his shirt and shake him violently.

"GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF, MAN! Whoa. I'm tired." He swayed in place for a minute before blinking and shaking his head furiously. "NO! Coffee. I _need_ coffee. I _want_ coffee. I really really really really really really really want COFFEEEEEEEEE!" He pounced on the mug that Hanekoma had placed before him – the third out of the four he'd ordered. "AHAHAHAHAHA MY PRECIOUS." He took a huge gulp, yelped, and dropped it on the floor, smashing the mug and spilling its contents. "It BURNED me! WHY, My Precious? WHYYYYY? Oh well, who cares why. LOOK IT'S GETTING LIGHT OUTSIDE! And NEKU, we still have shopping to do, FEEL THE SHAME. Now COME ON!"

Joshua finally recovered enough presence of mind to use his powers and swap out his coffee'd clothes for a new set. Attempting to recover his dignity, he settled down at the bar and coughed lightly and professionally.

"Now, Neku – hold on a minute, where'd they go?"

Hanekoma shrugged, passing Joshua the fourth and final coffee. "Probably to J of the M. It's the nearest store, after all."

* * *

At 6:15 in the morning, after hitting every single major store in Shibuya _twice_ and buying every object they contained, Neku put his foot down (not that it had helped at all the previous 26 times he'd tried it) and flat-out DEMANDED to be taken back home. He said he'd do something drastic if Sho did not heed his words. Sho stopped in his tracks and stared blankly off into space for a moment.

Then, with alarming speed and force, Neku found himself slammed against a wall, Sho's hands gripping his shoulders tightly as the Game Master stared deep into his eyes with absolute seriousness and concentration.

"Neku Sakuraba of Shibuya. I must ask you one question, one very simple question, and I absolutely must have a single, clear, definite answer from you."

"Er. Okay?"

Sho leaned in until his face was approximately half an inch away from Neku's. "Do. You."

There was a very long pause. Neku restrained the urge to squeak.

"_Havewaffles_?" Sho finished in a rush, exploding backwards but still staring at Neku, the wild look back in his eyes.

"Uh." It took Neku a moment to process the blurred-together words. "Waff…les? Yeah… we've got frozen -"

"YESSSS YOU HAVE FROZEN WAFFLES _TO YOUR HOME IT IS THEN_! Lead the way, pentacular proxy!"

Neku went in through the front door. Sho went in through Neku's broken bedroom window. Sho consumed the entire package of frozen waffles that Neku had found in the freezer – without thawing them – and once having satisfied his waffle-craving, suddenly expressed a rabid desire to investigate Neku's room, explaining to the orangehead as he tore up the stairs that there might be DUST BUNNIES underneath his BED and that DUST BUNNIES were HORRIFICALLY VICIOUS FIENDS OF NATURE that were a DANGER to the planetary EQUATION and MUST BE ERASED at all costs, because math is ALWAYS done in pencil in case mistakes are made, except by HIM, because HE was BRILLIANT and NEVER made MISTAKES, especially ESPECIALLY not in MATH.

Neku's cat was under his bed and Sho glomped it. Neku's cat did not appreciate this and tried to scratch the GM, but was pushed violently away before its claws could make contact with his face as Sho discovered the catnip toy that Neku's cat had been occupying itself with. Squirming out from underneath the bed, he pranced around Neku's room in joy for several moments before squealing happily, burying his nose in the catnip toy, and falling onto Neku's bed, where he lay motionless for several long minutes before Neku became un-stunned enough to creep forward and inspect him.

The Game Master was flat asleep.

"Well," said Neku slowly. His cat crouched on his desk and watched the situation with wary eyes. "Thank you, God, for that. Rock on. Amen."

So saying, Neku shoved Minamimoto to the floor, crawled back under his covers, and went to sleep.

* * *

He woke up in the morning with the glass on the floor gone, his window still broken, a pile of clothing and cat toys on his desk, and a note pinned to his ceiling. He lay in his bed and stared up at it.

_Proxy:_

_ You're zetta slow. FACTOR THAT._

"What is that," Neku said slowly, "your whacked-out way of saying 'thanks' or something? And what the heck, are those all the _clothes_ we bought last night?" The pile on his desk reached almost to the ceiling. "Are those all MINE?"

A light knock came on his door, and before he could respond, his mother walked in. "Neku, dear, you slept in. It's time to get u – _WHAT HAPPENED IN HERE_?"

Neku groaned and flopped back on his bed. "Insanity. Sheer, unconvoluted, sugar-high INSANITY."

His mother looked at him, at the window, then back at him. "…Very well, dear. We'll have to see about getting that fixed. Incidentally, does the state of your room have anything to do with why there are 15 boxes of frozen waffles on the kitchen table?"

Neku's eyes slowly slid open. "Mom?"

"Yes, Neku?"

"Don't ask."

His mother stared at him for a moment before shrugging and backing out of his room. "I hope you don't mind waffles for breakfast."

"NO!" It was almost a shriek. "Maybe tomorrow, but – NO. No waffles. ANYTHING but waffles."

"But Neku, dear, I thought you liked -"

"I _do_. I swear I do. But just… NOT after last night."

His mother looked concerned. "Well… alright."

"No coffee either," Neku demanded. "NONE. In fact, HIDE the coffeepot. Okay? Please." He sat up in bed and gave his mother his best pleading look.

By now thoroughly concerned and upset over her son's well-being, Mrs. Sakuraba agreed without question and then rushed downstairs to call the family doctor. Meanwhile, Neku sauntered over to his desk and selected a random article of clothing.

"WHY THE HEY DO I HAVE A SKIRT WITH BONDAGE PANTS IN MY SIZE?"

Somewhere in Shibuya, Sho Minamimoto graphed complicated math problems on innumerable sheets of paper (though of course he knew EXACTLY how many there were) and laughed maniacally over a cup of hot coffee with sugar and cream.

* * *

**Ending Authoressial Note:** Well, that's it. Kindly ignore any discrepancies, like the facts that Sho technically ought to be dead and that it's probably not Edogawa. Remember that this was written at 4 in the morning, and carry on.

Also, yes, my Sho bakes, and yes, my Neku has a pet cat. I actually have a fic regarding how Neku acquired his pet cat. It may get posted at some future point in time.

Happy Pi Day again! Reviews would be greatly appreciated! :D


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